Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
