wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize