Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
