You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
