How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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