Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
