im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize