I wish my penis had an off switch
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
