bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
