We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
