I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize