Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
