You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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