yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
