do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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