Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
