her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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