I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
