New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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