I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
