I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
