Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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