All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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