Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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