I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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