omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
