i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This is my gift to your gina
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
