He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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