Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize