I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
what day is it and did you see me today?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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