It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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