there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
