I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
