Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
