My hand turned me down
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
