ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
