I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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