I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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