it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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