I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
