Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
