found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
