mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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