remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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