Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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