I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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