i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize