If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
