I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why do cheetos always look like penises
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
