She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
