Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
