Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
