this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY