I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"