Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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