No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
