I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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