He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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