She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
