Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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