I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
