I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Rumble strips road head = magical
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
