I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
