im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
