Umm I'm too high to move.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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