I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
