Best friends brother. Beat that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
